Please join me at my new blogsite!

Please join me over at my new blogsite: http://growingp31woman.wordpress.com/

I made the move for several reasons, but the main reason is I wanted to start over with a clean look.  It's a work in progress, but you can find all my past posts there as well.

Thanks for joining me!

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I really seem to be in a season of "me, me, me" because I just can't get over how tired and upset I am.

My husband works as a truck driver and the job he has now is an over night, every other day job. So he leaves at 12:15pm on day 1 and doesn't come home until about 4am on day 2. Then on day 2 he doesn't wake up until about 12 or 1pm.  This is his day off, then he's back to work on the next day.  So on his day off (again, every other day), he'll lay around and watch TV or play video games.  If I push him, he'll pick up the kids at 3pm, then comes home and gets back on the TV or video games.  

I still go about doing what I have to do, prepping dinner, helping with homework for 3 kids, dealing with the 17 month old - all this around my husband sitting in the living room.  On his days that he works, I allow the kids to relax after school and watch TV for about an hour.  Then it goes off and they all do HW, then dinner, and now we will watch a Christmas movie on ABC Family.  Some nights we'll do a Bible study - though to be honest its been a few weeks since we did our last.

But when husband is around, the TV stays on all the time.  And its loud.  My 7 year old boy is easily distracted, especially with video games.  So its so frustrating that husband wont turn the TV or video game off for just 30 minutes until JJ gets his HW done (we have a small house which only has our bedrooms, living room, and kitchen.  There's no family room or other area where we can be away from the distraction, other than the bedroom).  If I ask for help, it's always "in a minute" or he calls our oldest daughter to get the baby brother.

I've spoken my frustrations and asked that he see my point of view. All I get in return is an "OK you're right.  There, happy?"  Which frustrates me even more!

When my husband is not around, I can do it all and be fine.  The work itself can be overwhelming on some days, but I can do it and have peace in the home.  But the nights my husband is home, I feel he should help me.  I KNOW the right thing for him to do is help.  Help your kids with their HW, help me throw out the garbage, be present with your kids.  And the fact that its not happening is what frustrates me and makes me snap on some (most) nights.

I also need some me time.  I'd like to work on posts for my blog more or do a Bible study. I try asking my husband for some time to myself, let me go out to the bookstore once a week on my own.  But that gets shot down all the time.  So I'll sit in my room and read my Bible or write the words of the Bible or listen to a podcast… which lasts all but 5 minutes before I have one of the kids coming up and just wanting to be in the room.  I'm sorry - but sometimes I just need to be alone. ALONE.  Or Sam will cry and as soon as that happens I hear "take your brother upstairs to your mom!".

Sigh.

Oh, and my husband started coming to church with us, but since the new job he hasn't been to church in many months.  So I take all four kids to church on Sunday mornings and evenings, and Wednesday evenings, and any special occasions we have (which are a lot during this time of year).  Which is fine… but I'm tired.  I go to church 3x a week and I don't hear the Word at all.  I'll get 5 minutes of a message before Sam wakes up from his short nap and it's off to the nursery I go.  Of course he won't stay in the nursery on his own, so I'm there with him.  I don't remember the last time I sat through a full message.  So I'm basically going to church 3x a week to hang out in the nursery with other babies - and of course so that my older children can get the word.  On days that I just don't want to, I think of my older ones and I go anyway because of them.  But it's overwhelming to be around kids all day and then be around a bunch of other babies in the evenings as well.  I'm so tired.

I don't have the answer as to how to make it easy.  I feel like no one knows what I'm going through.  I love all the Christian blogs I read, but I feel like their lives are a dream - something I can never attain.   I'm tired.  I will continue to praise my God and read His Word and love on my family - especially my husband.  But inside I'm crying and feeling overwhelmed and sad.  

I know that the Lord isn't finished with me; I have to also remember that He's not finished with my husband.  This is my journey and I have to trust that He knows how I feel and He has a great plan for me, for my husband, for our marriage, and for our family.  Because right now I don't see it.  But that's what faith is all about, right?

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Season of Negativity, Gossip, and Selfishness

I have been going through a real season of… negativity, gossip, and real selfishness.  Leading up to and during the Thanksgiving season, I allowed myself to be wrapped up in family drama.  I'm not proud to say that my children saw me complain, gossip, and sow seeds of discontent in my husband regarding certain members of his family.

All the time I knew I was wrong.  I could feel God's spirit calling to me, to let it go, to pray, to read His word.  But I refused. I wanted to be miserable and I was happy that people finally saw what I've seen for so many years.  Enjoying it a bit too much and feeding into it way beyond measure.

I was tire of being taken advantage of and I was finally putting my foot down.

Looking back, I agree with the decisions I made to make sure I was not being taken advantage of, again.  But I could've done it in love.  I could've spoken words of wisdom into the situation - or at least words of love, understanding. That's what the Lord requires of us - as hard as it can be sometimes.

Going forward, I choose not to be negative towards anyone.  I choose to speak words that will uplift and show mercy.  Because I'm not the old me anymore.  My actions, my words, have to be proof of this.

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Have Mercy on Us, Lord.

Hurricane Sandy has officially passed our area in NJ.  I praise God for His mercies on our home and our area.  We barely got any rain - no worse than any other rainy day.  Though we did get strong winds at times, and it seems some sort of generator exploded right infront of our house - we never lost power! God is so good.  I was praying to Him that He would protect this whole street for our sake and for His glory. That even if we got some flooding, to let us not lose power as I wouldn't know what to do with four young kids and no power, not to mention all the food we'd lose in the fridge and our basement freezer.  And to His glory, not only did we not lose power, but our flood-prone basement is bone dry!  I praise His holy name. He is awesome and powerful and I feel blessed to have felt His mercies tonight.

But others weren't so blessed. I pray for those who were affected by this storm. Especially the Lower East Side of Manhattan that have been in a black out since late last night.  My mom, MIL, brother, and BIL are all in that area (they actually live in the same building). Praying for all those who had to be moved from the NYU hospital because the backup generator didn't work.  Praying for all those fires breaking out - especially the huge 5 alarm one in Breezy Point.  Lord have mercy on these people.  That's all that I can pray. Have mercy - over and over again that's my prayer. Have mercy. Have mercy. Please, Lord, have mercy!  I pray that His powerful strength and healing comfort are all felt throughout the East Coast.  I pray that people who are lost would turn to Him and focus on His goodness, on His everlasting mercies.

I wake up this morning with praise on my lips and prayers in my heart.  Father, thank you for the mercy You have shown already.  I pray for more mercy. Have mercy. I pray Your Holy Spirit would move about NYC and the surrounding areas and would spread Your Hope, Love, and Mercy.  I pray that Christians all over show your love by extending their hands out in grace and love.  Show me how we can help.

In Jesus,

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Taking over the finances...

Recently, after more overdrafts in one month than I've ever had in the 9 years of being with my bank, I decided to take over our finances.  I've been banking with our institution since I was a college girl.  My husband and I just recently, in the last year or two, combined our accounts to one bank account.  We decided to go with mine because of my history with them.

As a new homemaker, I was finding it hard to balance cleaning, cooking, bill paying, kids, husband, and high expectations.  It was just too much and so I told my husband to take over our finances.  He always seemed more than capable since he was always asking me if such and such bill was paid and telling me what was coming up that needed to be paid, etc.  Well, God bless my husband, he's a great provider, husband, and father - but financier he is not!  He just started paying bills without checking to see what other bills were automatically going to be taken out that month.  Needless to say, we over-drafted.  More than once. Not by small amounts.

And after much prayer, I really felt the Lord was leading me to take over the finances.  He really spoke to my heart and impressed on me that all the years I worked in an office setting, dealing with department budgets, managing my time, dealing with difficult bosses and difficult clients, all that was preparing me to manage my home - including my finances.

OK, Father. I get it. Thank you.

So I began reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and implemented that in our finances just this week.  Hubby is all for it - and was actually the one to tell me to read the book.  Some areas are really strange for us - like paying our gas and food shopping with cash! That's crazy! I never pay cash - other than yard sales!  There was a time when I was working that I would never have cash on me.  Never. Everything I paid on my debit card.  But strange as it is, we get the point and we are committed.

Anyone else read Dave Ramsey's book or take the Financial Peace University class?  My church actually offers the class, but I'm in the middle of taking another class so I'll just have to wait until next time.

In Christ,

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Love is... what?!?!

So lately I've been experiencing some major... "issues" in my marriage.  Lots of arguing and crying (on my part).  I'm really tempted to say "it's NOT me! If you only knew..." but it really doesn't matter does it?  As a Christian wife/mom/woman, it shouldn't matter how my husband treats me or how he reacts to situations.  My joy is supposed to be there regardless (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). My love is supposed to evident in all I do (1 John 3:18). And in any circumstance, I'm supposed to be content (Phillipians 4:11-13).

But let me tell you, some people are easier to love and be content around than others!  But that ALSO doesn't matter!!  The Bible doesn't say to love those who are easy to love! It says to love your enemies AND PRAY for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44).  Not that I'm saying my husband is my enemy - God gave me my husband, he is certainly NOT my enemy.  But at times, especially lately, we are at odds with each other and I do feel a bit persecuted.

Sometimes during these times of great conflict, I'll lock myself in my room and dream of these movies where the man loves the woman so much he would do anything for her. Or at the very least bring her flowers after work!  That's real love isn't it?  Well, maybe.  But my Bible suggests love is a little more than just rose petals (though they are nice).


Love is patient or long-suffering.

Love is kind.

Love is not easily angered.

So far it doesn't seem like I love my God-given husband at all!  And the list keeps going:

Love does not envy.

Love isn't proud.

Love keeps no records of past wrongs.

Dig. Dig. Dig!  I've failed at every point. 

So what's a sinful, failing, angry wife to do?

Sometimes when I get so frustrated I will text my best sister/girlfriend and get all my anger out on her and tell her everything I feel.  Down to the ugliest little detail.  And her response to me is always this:

"Get down on your knees and pray! Pray for your husband."

Pray for the man I just revealed to you did all this to me?!

"Pray!!"

So yes, I get down on my knees and I pour out my heart to the Lord and I pray for my heart and I pray for my husband and by the end of it, a feeling of peace comes over me. And sweet conviction to turn to the Lord as soon as I get these feelings. As soon as I start to feel persecuted, turn to the Lord in prayer and remember what love really is.  The Lord has reminded me of the many times He has been long-suffering with me.  Now I need to bless someone else with that same kind of love, regardless of the situation.

So now I commit myself to memorizing the Love Chapter.  1 Corinthians 13. I'm horrible at memorization, but I can do all things in Christ!

Please pray for me as I start my endeavor today!

In Christ,

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Great First Day of School!

Today was the official first day of school.  The kids were excited and they all had a good day.  I'm glad things are starting out well.  I was able to get a lot done at home today while Sammy slept, so that was good too.

Praising God.

In Christ,

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First Day of School & Already Worries!

My children's school always posts which teacher has which students before the school year starts.  This year Marissa was put in the same class as the little girl who was found guilty, and subsequently suspended from school for a day, of bullying her.  I'm not quite sure why they were put in the same class, but it already has Marissa worried.

I called the principal and told him my concerns.  He didn't seem so concerned himself and actually seemed rather annoyed that I was calling him and asking him to move Marissa to another class.  He said he didn't think it could be done because the school system already has her in there (which I don't buy for a second. I'm a stay at home mom now, but not too long ago my career was in systems analysis. I know you can move a child from one class to another, it's totally possible), but that he would see what he can do.

I'm calling him today to see what he has done.  If he moves her GREAT! If not, part of me wants to fight back and let him know this is unacceptable.  But another part of me wants to show that God is greater than any situation and let my daughter take this as a way to show grace and mercy and love to this girl.  But then I think about the girl and she's just SUCH a trouble maker and so is her family!  But my God is greater.  And that's exactly the back and forth I go through in my head!

So I'm praying that God will show me the way and that I would have peace that comes with knowing God is in control of this situation and Marissa is right where He wants her to be.

In Christ,

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First week of VBS over...

My church just finished it's last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School) and I have to say we had a blast! The kids had fun in their classes and I had fun just hanging out in church.  I volunteered to check in the workers in the morning, which also meant I had to make sure all classes were covered and help find replacements for those that weren't.  It was fun working with our Youth Pastor, Pastor Brian, since I haven't had a chance to work with him (or even really speak to him) before this week.  He's an awesome person.

It was a great week and I can't wait to volunteer again next year!

Next week we also have VBS at another church a town over.  I love this VBS because they actually have classes for the moms! This year's topic is the Proverbs 31 wife and how that looks like for us today. I am SO excited about this topic!!  I just pray Sam will behave enough for me to pay attention and not always be out in the hall way!  :-D

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Working out, but not losing weight...

So I've been working out for 9 days and after my initial 10lb weight loss, which I lost mostly before I started working out by changing my diet to eat clean, no processed, no sugar foods, I haven't lost a pound. Wow, long sentence. I know I'm doing the right things:

• eating clean foods every 2-3 hours;
  
• Working out using different machines (so my body doesn't get used to just one) and alternating days of lifting weights with other routines my trainer gave me (I sooo don't know fitness lingo).
• Finding ways throughout the day to burn extra calories (running around after my son and squatting down to his level, kicki my feet a bunch of times at the pool, etc.)
• And my main thing was stop eating junk food! No M&Ms, soda, Wendy's.... Just water and clean food.

So what's the problem? I feel great and my clothes fit better, but the scale refuses to go under 200lbs! My prayer is that I'm losing inches but gaining muscle and that's why I'm not losing the pounds. But at the same time I don't want to be this huge person with muscles. Sigh.

Well, I meet with my trainer tomorrow and hopefully she will give me some insight and words of encouragement!

 

Would love to know if anyone else went through this or is currently going through it! I seriously would love to get together with other women going through the same journey as I am.

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Welcome back, me!

Hello all!

I know it's been awhile but life just got in the way. So here's the quickie update version of my life:

• I'm no longer homeschooling. Marissa actually decided that she wanted to go back to school & we supported her decision.
• The kids are out for the summer! Just part of what keeps me so busy...
• I chopped off my hair! I love my new look! It's so easy to manage and I can actually blow it out myself now! Major, major big deal for me.
• I've finally decided to star t eating healthy and working out! So I will be blogging about that part of my life.
• And finally, I've decided that this blog will truly just be a place for me to write my whole journey. I'm not trying to give advice or do giveaways... I'm just living my life and sharing my journey. I do welcome feedback and comments though! But I'm changing the focus of the blog to be more about my life than about trying to write and share some knowledge or expertise that I try don't have. I'm just an imperfect mom trying to live in the fullness of Gods grace. I struggle with my identity as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, and Christian and this blog is just a place for me to get it out in words. I pray you will join me in my journey!

 

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Are You Watching Your Words?

Are you using your words to uplift your husband's the way they need to be uplifted?  I thought I was being an uplifter, but my husband didn't see it that way. Read about my experience in my post "Are You Watching Your Words?" over at A Mother's Heritage.

In Christ,

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My Life is Full of Curveballs...

Yesterday did not turn out the way it was supposed to... not by ANY stretch of the imagination.  This was how my day was supposed to go:

1. Take Kaity and JJ to school
2. Take Mari to doctor's office to get her staple removed
3. Go to salon and get my hair washed and blown, get Mari's bangs cut
4. Go home and school Marissa
5. Start dinner, clean, do laundry
6. Pick up kids from school at 3pm
7. HW, dinner, showers, bed

Simple.  Not so much.

It all started when I received a call from JJ's school nurse saying he was sick and needed to go home. So after Mari's staple came out, we went and picked up JJ. He said his stomach hurt, but looked fine. So on we went to the hair salon.  It was the Grand Opening of my spiritual mother's salon and I was so excited to go see her and give her some business.  When I got there she was doing her daughter's (my wonderful spiritual sister) hair.  But there was a problem, she had forgotten her purse (and with it all her keys, driver licence, and everything else she needed) at home, and she also ran out of thread for the weave she was doing on her daughter.  So after getting Mari's bangs cut and JJ a quick mohawk, we (my sister and I) took our 4 kids (my 3 and her 1) to her house to get the keys.  But she forgot her keys inside the house that morning!  So we ran around the house to all the windows trying to open them - nothing.  My sister called her father and he said he could be there in 45 minutes. Sigh.  By then JJ had told me that the schools had a 1/2 day that day!  So off we ran to pick up my 10 year old. Then we stopped for some lunch, back to my sisters house to get the purse, then to the hair store for some thread, then back to the salon.

By this time it was almost 2pm and I hadn't been home since that morning and I really needed to get my ribs in the oven.  We get to the salon and JJ starts to feel queazy. Marissa (who is afraid of vomit) began crying... no, no, not crying... screaming.  SCREAMING that she was afraid.  My spiritual mother is a strong woman of God and also a woman who does not play.  She took Marissa by the arm and escorted her out of the salon along with my older daughter so she could take her to the car.  My daughter got kicked out of a hair salon.  Sigh.  So I bid my fair-wells and hightailed it home to get dinner started.  Marissa screamed all the way home and spent the rest of the day in her room as punishment.

It was a crazy day in which I didn't get anything done that I was supposed to get done.  I didn't even get my hair done!  (sigh)  I feel like these types of days happen more often than not.  I try to be prepared and be on top of things, but I feel like I'm always being tossed a curveball and I'm never ready for it.  It's something I realize about myself and my life, I just don't know how to go about being more prepared for it.  Definitely something to work on in my life.

Has anyone else ever had this issue?  How have you dealt with it or are dealing with it?  Any/all suggestions are so appreciated!

In Christ,

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Attack of the Junk Food!!

I am sick! Like sick to my stomach, sick.  As I sit and write this post I'm drinking water to try to cleanse my insides... let me explain.

For four days I drank nothing but water and a few cups of coffee.  My first meal off my period of drinking water was Frosted Flakes... and that's when my senses were attacked!  It was as if I took a bowl of sugar, mixed it with some milk, and just swallowed it for breakfast.  It never hit me how much sugar is in this cereal until this morning.  I vow to never buy it again (though I can't say the same for my husband, whose favorite cereal it is).


Then I had an American cheese grilled cheese sandwich for lunch (one of my favorite meals) and again my stomach turned.  Suddenly this once delicious sandwich left a sour taste in my mouth and my stomach.

Then, because I like to torture myself, we had chinese food for dinner.  I will save you the gory details of how I felt after just eating half of my meal.  And to top off this attack on my poor stomach, my husband came home with what is usually a treat for me: a pack of M&M's!  Trying to be the loving wife that I am, I graciously accepted his gift and ripped open the little yellow bag and swallowed two before they had a chance!  But I only ate two more after that and I was done... my body has shut down and refuses to eat/smell/think of food.

So now I reflect on all this and think that maybe God is trying to open my eyes to my unhealthy eating habits.  I'm definitely going to do some research and see how I can change my eating habits... maybe challenge myself to eat more raw veggies and cut out the junk.  We'll see where this leads, but somethings GOT to change!

In Christ,

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Back to the Basics...

God has opened my eyes during this season of prayer.  When I entered into it, I thought that there would be a great breakthrough for my husband.  Pastor's message kept centering around giving up this world, and the Holy Spirit spoke to us about giving up this world, and then a missionary came and his message was the same as well.  And all the while, I kept thinking these were great things for Juan to be hearing.

But then my eyes were opened.  

I'm the one who needs these messages. Yes, maybe I'm not into the world like others are... but I'm still doing my fair share in my own life.  All the attention I pay to facebook and trying to get my blog known. All the Bible studies I signed up to lead and be a part of.  All of that and I don't feel any closer to God.  I see all these other bloggers that are homeschooling 7 kids, have beautiful homes, great blogs, and still have time to get their hair and makeup done in the morning - and I try to emulate them. So I pretty up my blog and try to post positive things going on in my life and cover up the dirty stuff. Try to do some giveaways and write up a post to give advice to someone, anyone... to show I have it all together too.

 But God called me out and said NO. 

It's all leading you away from Me.  And the one thing I want more than anything in the world is to feel God. Like to REALLY feel His presence in my life.  And so with God leading the way, I'm backing out all my other online commitments and trying to make my blog up to par with the most popular blogs (that I really do cherish and love and will continue to read!).  And I'm going to go back to why I left the workforce in the first place: to be who I am in Christ Jesus and take care of my husband, my children, and this household.  My blog will be my journal, because I love to write and so God laid it on my heart to start a blog. But that's all I'm making it to be. If you like to read it, great. But I'm no longer out for readership - just a place to de-stress and write about my journey and reflect upon later on.  I may come across something to giveaway and that's fine, but I won't search it out.

I am confessing now that I will stop trying to grow my readership like I was doing before.  

I'm going to concentrate on my relationship with God and on taking care of my family everything else is secondary.  I want to live my life intentionally, not always trying to catch up.  So many times I've missed appointments or paid something late or caused someone else problems because  I'm not organized enough to know what's going on around me. I'm done with it all.

This is a season of growth in the Lord. I'm going to seek Him out and break away from everything else. It's time to step up my relationship with my King and bring it to a completely different level. I'm ready. Lord here I am! Send me!!!

 In Christ,

Yasmin

"The Good Wife's Guide" Giveaway!

OK Ladies!

I am super excited about this giveaway because this book is so inline with my goal of being a Proverbs 31 woman and the author is one of those Titus 2 women I truly look to as a role model.  The book is called The Good Wife's Guide by Darlene Schacht over at Time-Warp Wife.

I was blessed to receive a copy of this new ebook and it really is a treasure of good advice backed by scripture.  Darlene's writing style draws you in as if you are sitting across the table from her, drinking a cup of coffee with a friend.  Her passion for God and helping wives prioritize His role for us as helpmeets to our husbands and mothers to our children is evident on every page.

And now Darlene will bless three of you with a copy of this new ebook! 

I'm so excited about this as the book was truly a blessing to me and I know it will bless the hearts of three women out there!

To enter, just complete any of the options below in the Rafflecopter! The giveaway ends next Wednesday!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Refining Fire

Wow - can I tell you that God is GOOD?!  It is amazing what He has shown me these past few days... it's almost too much for me to even grasp.  He is so good.

This past year, my prayer to God was for Him to empty me of me and fill me with Him. To break me down and get rid of all my iniquities, and fill me with His Holy Spirit.  I prayed for God to use me and all that I have for His glory.

The one thing I have always struggled with was my temper and my patience (or lack thereof).  It's gotten me in trouble since the first grade!  But God has shown me that all the things that have been going on in my life, He has allowed - for His glory.  He is working out of me these bad things that hold me back from fully being that Proverbs 31 woman I so desperately want to be!

God has been at work refining me with fire - removing my impurities!  Zechariah 13:9 says "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"

I know He has my family in His hands, He has Marissa in His hands.  I know she will be OK, because He is using this situation, that maybe the enemy meant for evil, for a good thing and I am coming out of it refined and tested.  So I thank the Lord for all He is doing and I will continue to daily lift my voice and my hands in prayer and praise to the One who loved me enough to put me through a fire!

To read more about God's refining fire, please read The Refiner's Fire, by God is Love.  It really blessed me this morning.

In Christ,

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Joyce Meyer's New Day, New You Devotional Giveaway!

I've heard opinions of many people regarding today's TV evangelists... but Joyce Meyer holds a special place in my heart.  The Lord used her TV program to lead me into a relationship with Jesus Christ one early weekday morning and so I will be forever grateful for what she does.


And so since we have begun a new year, I thought it would be great to give away a copy of Joyce Meyer's daily devotional "New Day, New You".  I love this devotional because it is full of scripture and is a great way to start your day - with a word from God!

To enter, go to the bottom of this post and follow the three easy ways to submit your name to win!  This is my first giveaway!  I hope you enjoy it and please share with others so they can enter! 
This giveaway will be open through Friday, January 20th.

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Marissa's Journey - Homeschooling, YES!

So if you've been following my blog, you know about the journey Marissa is going through with her stress and anxiety.  In my last post, we were thinking about pulling her out of public school and homeschooling her.  I am happy to say that we have gone in this direction!

My hubby is still very much against homeschooling, though he's laxed a bit on thinking all homeschooling is wrong.

A dear sister from church invited me over and shared some of her homeschooling wisdom, as well as some of her resources and books (for which I will forever be grateful).  I've even enrolled Marissa in a french class through the local homeschooling co-op!

I'm super excited and can't wait to start next Monday (I took the suggestion of many of my blogging friends who said to take a week off to relax!).  But I have to say this: in the ONE DAY that Marissa has been out of school, she has been eating like crazy, slept all the way through the night and took a nap this afternoon, and has been reading almost non-stop!  She was all smiles all day and there was NO melt down at bedtime!  None!! Granted, I'm allowing her to sleep in the living room with me in order to just give her body some rest.  I know many people will think I'm giving into her (including me), but she is RESTING and I think that's more important than anything.  She knows this isn't a permanent situation, but for now it's working fine.

I'm praying that all will go well and hubby will let me homeschool the other two starting September, but for now I'm enjoying God's blessing on Marissa.  He is so good and I know if I give it all to Him, everything will be fine.  All I want in my life is His will - whatever that may be!

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Homeschooling?

So last night was the last straw for me. Marissa went through another meltdown and so did I. And I didn't like what I saw in me or what my children were seeing in me. So I sat down and began to pray and seek God's direction and right away homeschooling popped into my heart. I pushed it aside because my husband isn't for homeschooling - I mean he is strongly against homeschooling for our children. But as much as I pushed it aside, it kept resurfacing.

Then Marissa woke up from her sleep (at midnite) and started crying all over again because she felt sick. My husband, who never has patience for this, actually called down to her and told her to sleep in bed with him. He's very worried about her health and for the first time since this started just wanted her to sleep with him and rest her body. She refused and kept right on yelling. So I yelled up (since I was in the living room with her) to him that we were doing homeschooling and I was pulling her out of school this week (Lord forgive me for being demanding to my husband!). To my surprise he called back a resigned "we will talk about it tomorrow". That's never his reaction to my talk about homeschooling. He always rejects the idea and tell me it will never happen. But not last night.

And so I am now resolved that we are pulling her out of school and homeschooling her. I pray that this will heal her anxieties, bring peace to our family, and help Marissa do better in her education (I really believe she needs more attention than what she's currently getting from her teacher).

Of course hubby and I still have to talk about it tonight, but I feel such a peace about this and pray that he will allow it for now. If not, he is my husband and I will send her back to school with an obedient spirit and will continue to pray for God's will in this situation. If he says yes, thank God I have a good friend (sister from church!) who has been homeschooling for years and is more than willing to help and guide me through this process.

I also covet any advice from all you Christ-centered homeschooling moms out there. How did you start out in this journey? Did your husbands support you? Do any of you home-school one child but not others in the home? I have two who would continue to go to public school.

I would appreciate any advice and all your prayers!!

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Peace

Today was a really good day for Marissa, praise the Lord.  Since it's the first Sunday of the month, the children didn't have Kid's Church and were with us.  After Pastor's message on the parable of the wineskins (Luke 5:36-38), he asked for those who needed prayer to go p to the altar to be prayed for by the deacons, their wives, and other church leaders.  Marissa told me she wanted to go up for prayer and so we went.

The deacons wife that prayed over Marissa is such a precious woman of God & knows about what Marissa has been going through.  Her prayer was like my own in that it was straight from the heart and full of tears.  I can't explain how beatiful it is to have a godly woman pray over my daughter with tears flowing down her beautiful face, as if she was crying out for one of her own children.  God is so good.

Later in the evening, Marissa decided to go take a shower before going to bed.  When she came out her face was visibly different.  She came to me and said that she had spent her time in the shower talking to God and asking Him to forgive her of her sins, to remove them far from her, to step on them, and to let the Holy Spirit come and help her.  Her prayer was that the Holy Spirit would live in her heart so that He could help her with her fears and anxieties.  Then Marissa looked at me with her big beatiful eyes and said that at that moment she felt His presence!  She felt as if a peace just came into her body and she just wanted to cry for joy.  She honestly couldn't stop talking about her experience!  At bedtime she took out her new Bible and we read a few chapters of Matthew together, then we prayed, and she fell asleep.  She is now sleeping in her bed peacefully.

I'm just so grateful for a God who never leaves us!  Marissa has always had a heart for God; she loves to ask great questions about our faith and she loves her Christian music as well.  I pray that this is just the first step of Marissa's journey with her King and that she would grow closer and closer to her each passing day.  Thank you for all your prayers and responses regarding Marissa and this journey!  Please continue as they are truly big help to me!  Thank you all!!

In Christ,

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The Gentleness Challenge

Well, if you've been following along with my blog, then you know the struggles I'm having with Marissa and her night time anxieties.  It's been a real challenge for me and I find myself losing my patience on many nights because of her screams and dramatics.

I really feel that God is trying to grow me in this situation, but sometimes I feel like I'm not prepared or equipped to be that patient, kind, sweet mom in all situations (especially with a screaming, kicking child!).

I don't want to be this crazy mother that yells at her children and have them afraid of me in any way.  I also don't want to see them grow into mothers who have short tempers with their own children and on and on it goes.

So when I saw that Women Living Well was having a Gentleness Challenge for mothers like me (who lose their tempers!), I knew it was a Godsend!   I look forward to taking part of this challenge and blogging my way through it!

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