Marissa's Journey - Homeschooling, YES!

So if you've been following my blog, you know about the journey Marissa is going through with her stress and anxiety.  In my last post, we were thinking about pulling her out of public school and homeschooling her.  I am happy to say that we have gone in this direction!

My hubby is still very much against homeschooling, though he's laxed a bit on thinking all homeschooling is wrong.

A dear sister from church invited me over and shared some of her homeschooling wisdom, as well as some of her resources and books (for which I will forever be grateful).  I've even enrolled Marissa in a french class through the local homeschooling co-op!

I'm super excited and can't wait to start next Monday (I took the suggestion of many of my blogging friends who said to take a week off to relax!).  But I have to say this: in the ONE DAY that Marissa has been out of school, she has been eating like crazy, slept all the way through the night and took a nap this afternoon, and has been reading almost non-stop!  She was all smiles all day and there was NO melt down at bedtime!  None!! Granted, I'm allowing her to sleep in the living room with me in order to just give her body some rest.  I know many people will think I'm giving into her (including me), but she is RESTING and I think that's more important than anything.  She knows this isn't a permanent situation, but for now it's working fine.

I'm praying that all will go well and hubby will let me homeschool the other two starting September, but for now I'm enjoying God's blessing on Marissa.  He is so good and I know if I give it all to Him, everything will be fine.  All I want in my life is His will - whatever that may be!

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Homeschooling?

So last night was the last straw for me. Marissa went through another meltdown and so did I. And I didn't like what I saw in me or what my children were seeing in me. So I sat down and began to pray and seek God's direction and right away homeschooling popped into my heart. I pushed it aside because my husband isn't for homeschooling - I mean he is strongly against homeschooling for our children. But as much as I pushed it aside, it kept resurfacing.

Then Marissa woke up from her sleep (at midnite) and started crying all over again because she felt sick. My husband, who never has patience for this, actually called down to her and told her to sleep in bed with him. He's very worried about her health and for the first time since this started just wanted her to sleep with him and rest her body. She refused and kept right on yelling. So I yelled up (since I was in the living room with her) to him that we were doing homeschooling and I was pulling her out of school this week (Lord forgive me for being demanding to my husband!). To my surprise he called back a resigned "we will talk about it tomorrow". That's never his reaction to my talk about homeschooling. He always rejects the idea and tell me it will never happen. But not last night.

And so I am now resolved that we are pulling her out of school and homeschooling her. I pray that this will heal her anxieties, bring peace to our family, and help Marissa do better in her education (I really believe she needs more attention than what she's currently getting from her teacher).

Of course hubby and I still have to talk about it tonight, but I feel such a peace about this and pray that he will allow it for now. If not, he is my husband and I will send her back to school with an obedient spirit and will continue to pray for God's will in this situation. If he says yes, thank God I have a good friend (sister from church!) who has been homeschooling for years and is more than willing to help and guide me through this process.

I also covet any advice from all you Christ-centered homeschooling moms out there. How did you start out in this journey? Did your husbands support you? Do any of you home-school one child but not others in the home? I have two who would continue to go to public school.

I would appreciate any advice and all your prayers!!

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Peace

Today was a really good day for Marissa, praise the Lord.  Since it's the first Sunday of the month, the children didn't have Kid's Church and were with us.  After Pastor's message on the parable of the wineskins (Luke 5:36-38), he asked for those who needed prayer to go p to the altar to be prayed for by the deacons, their wives, and other church leaders.  Marissa told me she wanted to go up for prayer and so we went.

The deacons wife that prayed over Marissa is such a precious woman of God & knows about what Marissa has been going through.  Her prayer was like my own in that it was straight from the heart and full of tears.  I can't explain how beatiful it is to have a godly woman pray over my daughter with tears flowing down her beautiful face, as if she was crying out for one of her own children.  God is so good.

Later in the evening, Marissa decided to go take a shower before going to bed.  When she came out her face was visibly different.  She came to me and said that she had spent her time in the shower talking to God and asking Him to forgive her of her sins, to remove them far from her, to step on them, and to let the Holy Spirit come and help her.  Her prayer was that the Holy Spirit would live in her heart so that He could help her with her fears and anxieties.  Then Marissa looked at me with her big beatiful eyes and said that at that moment she felt His presence!  She felt as if a peace just came into her body and she just wanted to cry for joy.  She honestly couldn't stop talking about her experience!  At bedtime she took out her new Bible and we read a few chapters of Matthew together, then we prayed, and she fell asleep.  She is now sleeping in her bed peacefully.

I'm just so grateful for a God who never leaves us!  Marissa has always had a heart for God; she loves to ask great questions about our faith and she loves her Christian music as well.  I pray that this is just the first step of Marissa's journey with her King and that she would grow closer and closer to her each passing day.  Thank you for all your prayers and responses regarding Marissa and this journey!  Please continue as they are truly big help to me!  Thank you all!!

In Christ,

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Feeling Sad? Ask God to Help You Pull That Anchor!

Another drawing by my gifted and talented daughter, Kaitlyn.

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When Darkness Comes Over You... Call to God!

My Kaitlyn (10 year old) drew this.  

It blesses me that she can express herself with her drawing and that she turns to God for help in her times of need.  

Praise the Lord!!!

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Marissa's Journey - Please pray...

I'm sitting here with my son sleeping against my chest and classical music blasting in my ears from my headset.  The noise I'm trying to drown out? My 8 year old daughter yelling and screaming from her room, yet again.  We've been going through this for weeks now and I am spiritually and mentally exhausted.  I'm going to be 100% transparent - it's been so bad that I've had to sleep in the living room with my youngest son so that my daughter doesn't stay up screaming the whole night.  Our bedroom is on the 2nd floor and so she will scream all night because she doesn't like being on the first floor with her siblings.  So I have to sleep in the living room because otherwise she will go to our bedroom all night with her crying and screaming and my husband works and has no patience for it.

I honestly don't know what else to do or where else to turn.  So I cry to Father God and pray for peace in my home.  All I want is peace for her and peace for our family.  I'm afraid that if she keeps this up she will just continue down a bad path and will eventually lead to her being outside of God's will for her life - a very scary place to be.

My home is not right and there's just a spirit of unrest and chaos here that I just need to pray out.  But I feel drained emotionally and spiritually and not being able to sleep at night because of Marissa and my 6 month old son is leaving me really drained and tired.  I can't wake up early enough to be in my prayer time. I have to take care of my family during the day.  Then in the evening I'm dealing with Marissa's drama and then Sam waking up.  I'm not sure what to do.

Please pray for this situation. I know God is in control and I pray that His will in this will be shown to me at some point.  I have three other children and a husband and this is really putting a lot of stress in our family.  But God is in control. I pray that He will help us through this.

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Part II

It's been a few weeks since Marissa began having her anxiety attacks that began as a result of dealing with a bully at school.  I've been praying and seeking God and asking Him for wisdom and Marissa is slowly starting to not have these attacks.

But we had to go through a lot before we got to where we are at now (and we're still in this journey!).  Marissa was so lost in her anxiety attacks that she just wouldn't (or couldn't) listen to reason and I was honestly afraid she was going to hurt herself with all her jumping, screaming, and banging.  I mean it had only been a few weeks and she had lost so much weight and had dark circles under her eyes.  So I went to  GNC and looked for a natural relaxant, something to just calm her down in the evenings and help her rest.  I had remember reading somewhere also that Vitamin B 12 was good for anxiety.  So I got her some of that too.

The first night I gave her the natural relaxant, she slept the whole night through and it was such a relief. I went out the next day and also bought her daily multi-vitamin gummies and fish oil.  The kids all now take a daily multi-vitamin & Marissa takes the extra supplements (she loves that she takes something more than her siblings).  I have her on a routine in the evenings where I tuck her in bed and read to her and then we talk, pray, and she has to remain in bed.  Sometimes she listens to soft music, or she'll read, but she knows she cannot get up unless she has to go to the bathroom.  We've had a few setbacks, but praise the Lord she has been doing SO well!!  The relaxant really helps her sleep through the night - which her body really needed. She's eating great now and I just pray that she continues this even after school starts up again next week!

We talk a lot about God and the Bible and she has GREAT questions that we talk about at night.  Marissa is very inquisitive when it comes to her faith and I pray that I can answer all her questions in a way that she can understand and grow closer to her Savior.

Thank you for all your prayers.  Please continue to pray as I hope to slowly get her off this relaxant (prayerfully without her even knowing!) and have her relax in the evenings on her own.

In Christ,

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Marissa's Journey - Part I

These past few weeks have been very trying and hard on my family and I.  Our 8 year old (Marissa) started having nightmares brought on by a bully at school.  The bully situation was remedied through the school, but now we are living with the consequences of it all. 

But if I were to really be honest with myself, and this is hard, I believe that there is a bigger issue at hand.  Marissa used to have a real love for the Lord and she was always reading her Bible and telling me different things she felt the Lord was laying on her heart.  But being a working mother who barely made time for her kids, I never gave her real attention and believe that I didn't encourage her in her Bible reading or relationship with God.  At some point, she stopped reading her Bible and stopped having a close relationship with God… and now my baby girl screams in a corner because of nightmares and tells me she doesn't feel God helping her.

I stand convicted before God…. what an awful, wretched mother I have been to my children.  But I thank Him for His saving grace and I am grateful that He has opened my eyes to see this real issue in our spiritual life.  This past week I started to pray hard for my children (especially Marissa) and speaking God's truth and love into all their lives (again, especially Marissa at this point in her journey).  And God is is so good!  In just a few days, Marissa has been doing a bit better - day by day it gets just a little better than the next.  Right now she sits quietly in her bed listening to classical music and reading the Bible.  She has cried a little, but she's not screaming and manic like she was just last night.  She came out just a few minutes ago and said "Mommy, I feel like raising my hands to Jesus and praising Him, but I'm embarrassed".  So we sat in my living room and lifted both our hands up to our Savior and praised Him together - it was wonderful.

My oldest, Kaity, has also grown in her relationship with God during this time as well.  She's been reading her Bible and telling me about things she has learned from it.  She came home from school just this past week and told me that she was about to judge someone, but then remembered reading in the Bible not to judge people. Praise the Lord!

My son, Jeremiah, came to the room tonight while I was with Marissa and joined in our conversation about God.  He said that Jesus lived in his heart and I told him he had to invite Jesus to live in his heart and we did that together just tonight!  Jeremiah now wants to be a pastor! I love it and I pray his love for God will continue to grow - though we'll see if next week he'll want to be a fireman instead!

As I was writing earlier, I heard Marissa speaking aloud and asking Jesus to help her, "help me, Jesus… help me not to be afraid, Jesus…" and praying using the scripture verses we memorized (Philippians 4:13 & 2 Timothy 1:7).  Now she's crying again and begging me to go to her room (I'm in the living room).  So she goes through her ups and downs… but I know that Jesus is with us and He will help us through this.  God has a plan for Marissa's life and He will use this whole situation for good - I know it.

I will keep everyone updated on Marissa's progress.  Please pray for her spirit, that she would feel God once again in her young life and that she would open up her heart to her Savior.  Also, please pray for the whole bully situation at school.  The other girls parents are upset and feel my daughter is lying (though the other girl did admit to the principal that she hit my daughter, unprovoked, on two occasions).  So please pray for peace in this situation, peace in my home, and peace in Marissa's little heart.

In Christ,

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The Problem is YOU, girlfriend!

 So this week has been a challenge for the whole family, and especially me.  My daughter Marissa (8 yrs old) has been acting out in the worst way and really has caused a lot of stress and loss of sleep for the whole household.  I've reached out for prayers from my sisters and have received some great advice and beautiful prayers that I'm so grateful for and have really carried me through this week.


But yesterday Marcia came over and Marissa was home from school (again, with a 'stomach ache').   After watching Marissa go through a mini-melt down (again) and calming her down enough to get her to sit on the sofa, she came over to the kitchen and calmly said:

"the problem is you, girlfriend!"

What?!  I took her words very seriously and asked if she thought I was stressing Marissa out in some way?  What had Marcia seen in me that triggered those words - I was eager to find out and change myself!  Marcia shook her head, "No, she just wants your attention.  All she keeps saying over and over again is 'I want my mommy' and she's very clingy to you."  My attention? I have four kids (one who's 5 months old!), a household to keep up, dinner to cook, a husband to please, a blog to keep up, my daily Bible study, the Christmas play practice, HW to help with, and all with just a few hours sleep... and she wants more of me? Where am I going to find more of me to give?!

But as I thought about all these things, it hit me that I've just made my life busy all over again.  I worked outside the home and couldn't find time for my kids for years.  Now I'm a stay at home mom and have managed to get myself so busy in this work that I still do not have time for my kids!  What kind of craziness is this?!  How could I be so silly as to not see this a long time ago?  But no matter, thank God for godly sisters who will point out your flaws and help you through them!

So I sit here and think of my children... they are each SO different and quality time with each of them would look so different.
Kaity.  Quality time with Kaity is easy for me because we are the same. She is a brainiac like I am and we can easily sit down together and read or play word games or even work on our blogs (which is our new fun thing to do).  Her bedtime is an hour later than her brother & sister so we easily spend that time together.

JJ. He loves to play his video games and show me what he can do in them.  Most of the time I just "yes, yes" him and keep it moving.  But what if I actually sit down and watch him and tell him it's great that he got through that Batman level he's been trying to pass? Or play Little Big Planet with him and let him lead me through the mazes and outfit changes he loves to do. I know he would love that time with me.

And then there's Marissa.  She loves to play "nail salon" and do my nails or getting her own nails painted, dressing up, or playing doctor... things I know nothing about! Her personality is so far from mine that it's hard for me to be interested in any of these things.  I never played doll as a kid, I was always in a corner reading a book and loving it!  But this isn't about me or who I am.  This is about my daughter and her just wanting to spend time with me. Why can't I put aside the selfish me for an hour of just being with her and doing what she likes to do?  Marissa is also a cuddler!  She would love to spend an hour with a book and blanket and just cuddle up and read aloud.  How awesome would it be if we did that every night before going to bed?  She would LOVE it.

So there it is.  The problem is me and my ability to get myself busy in the mundane and ignore the more important thing in life: my children and spending time with them.  Yes I can teach them about God, take them to church, feed, and clothe them - but if I don't take time to just be with them, how will they learn to take some time to just BE with God?  Our quiet, quality time with each other can be a way for them to learn that God desires that time with them just like they desire that time with me.

I pray that this will be a turning point for me and my relationship with my children.  That they may show me grace and love and accept that I'm still learning this 'mommy' thing and will make mistakes. I pray that they will see our quality time and learn to spend the same type of quality time with Jesus as well, and with their own children in the future.

In Christ,

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